“Frequent consultation of the watch or time-pieces is impolite, either when at home or abroad. If at home, it appears as if you were tired of your company and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the hours dragged heavily, and you were calculating how soon you would be released.
Never read in company.”~Louis Martine (Handbook of Etiquette 1866)
If only Martine could see how our society has unraveled! Watches and time pieces are a thing of the past in most regards. People now have these phones and pods to not only tell time with, they can do it all. Hand held devices have brought us to the lowest form of rudeness. People who own them, will get a beeping noise emitting from their pocket, which signals an incoming text. Even if they are engaged in a conversation or in the company of others, they will plunge their hand into their pockets to pull out the device and look at it.
It shows a lack of patience and courtesy.
The lack of patience is evident in how they can not wait until the conversation is over to find out what someone texted them. It shows that they feel what ever that instant message is, it is more important that what you are saying at the time. They are not being courteous if they interrupt another persons thoughts to take a call or text right in the middle of the conversation. The person talking will lose their thought and forget the point they were trying to make.
I have seen this all too many times. In fact, when you see young people using these, you will most always see their faces transfixed upon it’s glowing light for hours. They may look up for a brief moment to be sure they do not stumble over things that are laying on the floor. Instead of picking things up, they will look up long enough to make a lunge over it and then resume their attention toward their little “World”.
“I got the Whole World in my Hands” It has everything I need…
- Live streaming television, movies, or you tubes
- Texting and instant message
- Facebook and Twitter live feeds
- Phone
- Video games
- The internet
- A Photo Camera
- A Video camera
- Software
- Data base
- Calculator
- Time Clock
- Apps of a zillion sorts
Who could blame a person if they feel this is their world. It is everything they need in one handy little package. 20 years ago I was dreaming of such a thing. I thought it would be so neat to be able to watch my favorite shows while I was sitting in my high school math class. It was a time when the internet was not developed yet. I remember sitting in a meeting in my high school. It was a meeting about our futures in the business world. They said there was a way we could instantly communicate with a person in China from a new thing called the “WEB”. At the time, I can remember how far fetched it seemed. How could it be possible? Now, not only can you communicate with people around the world instantly, the most vile and evil sorts of entertainment are only a click away. It is sad that such a devise can be such a huge time thief for the people of our time.
People can be on these devises for hours without even knowing it.
My son, Miles, wanted one in the worst way. He coveted that device for the past 5 years. We lived on our little homestead, working the land, yet he was somewhat dissatisfied. He would occasionally see other kids enjoying them and it seemed a grave injustice to him that we shielded him from these devices. For some reason, I could see it was a world of iniquity waiting to be played with. Eventually, when he saved up enough money, he bought one. He told me that he would be extra nice and extra helpful. The week before he bought it, he woke up around 4 am each morning to clean the entire house. I was smitten! It was a lovely manipulation tactic for a mom like me. I could get used to that new level of work ethic in my son.
He promised that he would continue this lovely habit of cleaning and helping me around the house. We thought it would be okay. About two days after he got the device, he stopped helping entirely. He became ornery to the other kids that wanted to get a glimpse of what ever was so enchanting in his hand. That device stole his time. It was gone. He no longer would have conversations with real people as he started texting and Facebook messaging others. He got busy downloading movies, apps, and video games. The indulgence of this device became my worst nightmare.
I would see kids in public places smiling down into their hand instead of smiling toward their friends. They were no longer talking to each other with their audible voices, it was all by the touch of their fingertips. They would be texting each other even when they were sitting right next to each other. That is so messed up! And now it was in my home, all day long. I hated seeing my son looking into his hand instead of into my face. I missed our conversations.
We did what most parents do not have the guts to do. We bought it back from him. We wanted it to be his choice because the bitterness of having something taken from you that you worked hard to pay for would only grow in his heart. I tried to find a good alternative. I went on the internet to look for other cool things he could buy with that $300. He could buy an air soft gun, or buy survival equipment. He was easily swayed and I had that devise in my hand. Soon we sold it and I could not be more happy with that step we took. We gained our son back.
The Necessary Evil…
These hand hand held devices are very needful to the working class of people in today’s word. I can see that they are practical for people. You can communicate with your business and research on the go. I can see it is useful for keeping tabs on your kids when they are away. It could be used for safety as you can notify people of an emergency when it should arise. There is no end to the convenience and usefulness of these devices. The only troubling thing is when they become a TIME THIEF. When kids have them, they do not always have the discretion and moderation that an adult would have. They can get lost in a video game or movie for hours at a time. A young person can accidentally or intentionally surf into areas that are very inappropriate. It can be a device that will steal more than your child’s time, it can steal their soul.
- I suggest getting safety apps that will not allow certain things on the device.
- Spend time with your child to find out what they are looking at and spending their time doing on that device.
- It is important to keep your relationship REAL, and not allow them to slip into a virtual existence where everything they know is some digitized entity.
Although this device is needful, etiquette can be observed, none the less. If you are a gal that likes to keep abreast all the Facebook timeline feed, make sure you are not looking at the devise when you are engaged into a conversation with another person. You could turn the noise off when visiting so you are not distracted by the constant beeping of notifications. It is very rude. Rather, you want to esteem others above yourself. It is both biblical and good benevolent practice…
“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” Philippians 2:3
“To cultivate the art of pleasing is not only worthy of our ambition, but it is the dictate of humanity to render ourselves as agreeable as possible to those around us. While, therefore, we condemn that false system of philosophy which recommends the practice of flattery and deception for the purpose of winning the regard of those with whom we come in contact, we would rather urge the sincere and open conduct which is founded on moral principle, and which looks to the happiness of others, not through any sordid and selfish aim, but for the reward which virtuous actions bestow. The sacrifice of personal convenience for the accommodation of others; the repression of our egotism and self-esteem; the occasional endurance of whatever is disagreeable or irksome to us through consideration for the infirmities of others, are not only some of the characteristics of true politeness, but are in the very spirit of benevolence, and, we might add, religion.” ~Martine 1866
11 thoughts on “The Time Thief”
Wonderfully said!! I have a 15 year old and I have failed by allowing him to have an I phone that his father purchased for him and it is the thief of time for him. I have emailed him this article since he is vacationing with his dad presently and I could only Pray that the Lord will speak to him as he reads this. Thank you for sharing so transparently, as you do. God Bless and continue to allow the Lord to use you for His Glory through this site. I am blessed to have found you!!
My husband’s been encouraging me to get a “smart phone”, because he believes it will be beneficial for my business. I’ve been hesitant, because I know how easily the computer can become a “time sucker” and I realize that I will have to truly be conscious of how I “use” this tool that easily become a tool leading me down the road of “rudeness” and distraction. I fear it would become a temptation and even though I trust that God will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bare I also think he’s wanting me to be wise about this decision. Until I feel confident it’s something God feels is ok for me, I’m holding off. We’ve not allowed our kids to have “cell phones” until they were driving. In fact our almost 17 year old doesn’t have one yet, because he’s almost always with the 18 year old who has one.
Thank you Erin for being so transparent. I have been asked by my oldest to have a phone/Ipod, and so far we have not said yes. When we ask why, the first response is “because everyone else has one.” Just because everyone else has one, doesn’t mean it’s right or that it is a necessity. Technology, while useful, is not a need, it is a want. I know several people who don’t even own a computer and they function just fine in society, are high ranking in their businesses and you can actually communicate with them. I do not own a smart phone, I do have a cell phone (and often forget to carry it with me) and a computer with internet, I limit my time on the computer but still find I spend more time on it than I wish and this is usually at the expense of spending time with my children.
I would also like to respond to some of the more negative comments left, not that you need my help, but I wonder if these people weren’t behind their screens and actually talking with a blogger in person, would they really say the things they are typing? If I were speaking to them in person I would ask the following: Do you ever misspeak or misspell? Not to be a skeptic but Is “Gotta” considered good English? I remind my myself and my kids often that when you point your finger at others, there is three pointing back at you. Three are pointing at me right now, while I use the word “gotta”, I sure could find a better word in our English language to use instead and won’t belittle something just because it has a misspelled word. Newspapers and magazines are full of them.
As to giving children what society thinks they need is also a danger, yes it can be monitored, but is it? I interact with teenage kids often and they struggle to communicate verbally. If the only jobs available in the future are behind a screen and no human interaction, they will succeed, they know technology well. However, if they need to interact with humans, they are being set up for failure. Not all successful jobs use technology. Technology often fails and when it does, if a person can’t function without it, they struggle.
If a parent and child relationship is growing daily, changing as needs change, having fun and sharing different experiences with one another, all of the sudden what society says we need, isn’t really that important any longer. I Love (spending time with) my kids!
Just to offer a little different perspective… it’s no surprise to anyone that when kids are told ‘no’ to something, the human condition indicates they will immediately want that thing more. In the case of technology and other such gadgets, kids naturally are curious and want to play with the thing they see everyone else running around with. I would argue the best parental response would be to make such devices available under a watchful eye from day one. This keeps natural curiosity from becoming an obsession (as you mention happened to your kid here) and results in a much more moderate view of the subject at hand. In other words, you are only making things worse by keeping it away from your kids. We live in an increasingly technological world, that’s not going to change. Kids *will* be exposed to it at one point or another so why not let that happen in a controlled environment rather than ‘in the wild’? The reason he has no sense of moderation is no doubt partly because he has been ‘starved’ of handheld technology for the past 5 years. I have seen kids who were raised with a ‘no TV at all’ policy do nothing but watch tons of TV as soon as they’re out on their own.
I was homeschooled myself and have been able to make a very good living in the technology sector thanks to my parents doing just this – access and encouragement to use technology in moderation, under a watchful eye. To shield a child from technology in today’s world is a *huge* dis-service to them, as it’s only going to become more and more a part of our lives. I seem to see a lot of the ‘no greater joy’, ‘rod & staff’ and similar followings doing just that – and folks, it will do nothig but put a bad face on homeschooling. Technology skills are absolutely essential in today’s world and a child without them will be at a huge disadvantage. Every form of technology, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad – it’s the way you use it that determines that. So please, let’s teach our kids *how* to use it for good. And let me assure you, the way you teach that is absolutely not to take it away with the impression of “that’s bad, stay far away from it”.
Thank you so much for writing this article! My 12 year old has been saying he wants an I pod. We say NO!!! My nieces have them and are just as you described, they can not have a conversation with a real person anymore. Just today he mentioned it again and at times I feel guilty or that I’m being a bad Mom for not letting him get one. This is just what we needed to see to confirm what we really already knew *** these little gadgets are nothing but trouble and take over your family. Our kids don’t watch much TV and when they do its usually Little House or Andy Griffith & we don’t do the video games so I’m hoping this will be a quickly passing thought. We are thinking of getting them some horses instead, a much better use of that $300.00, in my opinion. Thanks again and keep up the good work. We really appreciate it!
My family went a week with no tv and no computer/internet. I thought it would be hard for the kids, but they stopped asking to watch tv after the first day. I, on the other hand, longed to just throw in a movie so I could have some rest. But it was also amazing how much more I accomplished without the temptation to spend time online. I recommend it to everyone.
Thank you, Erin! You are such an encouragement to so many. May the Lord continue to richly bless you, in all you do.
Gotta say. The English in here is almost as bad as your understanding of technology. There are so many mistakes in this that it is hard to read. I do like the idea of my children going outside and having real friends and what not but that does not mean that all technology is bad. Times change and so does etiquette. It is becoming more and more necessary to have technology integrated into our daily and even hourly lives. That is the truth and you just need to adapt unfortunately. I know that it is not easy but you should start trying.
Well, actually, it is not a necessity of life to have technology consisting of phones, computers, television. You do not need computers to live. Millions of people around the globe do not have access to the internet, and are surviving. Surely, not all technology is bad, and the author is obviously not claiming such. She uses technology to teach people, and spread the gospel of Christ.
This was hard to read, since I’m so often guilty. Gives me a lot to think about as my boys grow up. Thanks for writing it.
To my shame I am sorely convicted that this little device in my hand has become such an important item in my daily life. Almost an appendage to my left hand. Never far from my reach. But to think of a day without it is almost unimaginable. To be sure it has its value and its usefulness with its Bible at the press of a button…concordance built in…never ender run of anecdotes and references. Its learning to be the master over it rather than it over me… Lord help me, I think it has me at a weak disadvantage at the moment.