Dealing with Pain and Still finding Joy!

Yesterday turned into a nightmare for me!  It started out great.  I had breakfast ready at 5 am for the kids.  We had to get school done before 9 am, so we started at 7 am and got through math, english and some bible reading.  Fridays are the only days, I will use for half days to fit in a field trip or in yesterdays case, music lessons with my dad.  I went to buy some milk and eggs at an Amish farm, walked around a little.  Then we came home and my dad did a music lesson.  I had to transfer the milk over from a 5 gallon pail and it was spilling and dripping everywhere.  I felt like crying over spilt milk.  So I knew I had to mop my kitchen floor.  I started tiding up the house, sweeping a little, picking up with the kids help, and mopping the floor.  Then, my foot started cramping so hard that my hand hurt and was cramping up trying to fight against my toes pulling straight down forcefully.  It went on for 30 minutes this time and Molly was crying a little.  The kids were scared for me.  They were racing around, telling me that I shouldn’t do to much.  Why do you keep working?  You should lay down, but I could not move.  I could not talk, I could only scream my head off.  My face was all slobbery with drool and tears.  It was worse than horrible.  I felt so bad that the kids had to see me like that again.  It happened one week ago, but it was a 15 minute deal that time, which seemed like forever.  My foot feels like a sledge hammer hit it, feels tender and bruised.  My back and arms are very sore from trying to fight the spasms in my foot.  My foot is still zapping me and feels like electric shocks.  Miles was filming me with his little camera.  I watched the video and I started to cry just watching it because I see the kids all around feeling hopeless and helpless to make their mother okay.  It happened at 4pm and then I felt like I could not walk.  I still can hardly put weight on my right foot.  I will be laying down again, I feel very weak.  Please pray for me to get through this and learn that I just can’t do all the things I used to do.  I want to so bad, I want to work hard again, but my body wont let me.  It sometimes makes me mad when I see old people parking in a handicap stall, and they get out of their car with ease and walk better than I do.  They are 40 years older than I am.  Or the lazy people who have strong able bodies, but just do not feel like trying or working.  But God had a plan with all of this.  I know he does.  And in His unfailing mercy, He will show me why I have this problem.  If it is to share joy, peace and comfort to others, I am thankful for that.  I also know that this is not my home, that one day, I will get up and walk without pain, on streets of pure gold.  That is my hope.  So many other mothers have worse deals than this, and I know I could face much worse yet and I am thankful that I only have this problem and not the so many other problems people have.  I have a home, I have my family safe and sound.  My cow is dry now, but I am still thankful for the milk we did get in the past. Life is not easy.  When you look at this photo, you will notice molly sitting behind me very sad.  That makes me so sad to see her worry like that for her momma.  But, I am so thankful for the children I have.  They bring such joy to my heart.  Having them alone keeps me going.  I want to keep going for them.  Praise God for that!

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