Doing Good Not Evil

“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”  Proverbs 31:12

This verse is in reference to the way we treat our husbands on a daily basis.

What is Good? By definition…

  1. that which is morally right; righteousness
  2. benefit or advantage to someone or something

How do we DO GOOD and NOT EVIL to our husbands?
By…

  • Being kind to him… even if he seems cross with you
  • Encouraging him in his strengths… not pointing out his shortcomings
  • Smiling at him and being friendly towards him… not cold and distant
  • Praying for him daily… not talking badly about him to others 
  • Seeking to please him… not seeking your way all the time
  • Finding ways to help him… not nagging him about all that he needs to do for you 
  • Making meals or lunches for him… not forgetting to feed your man
  • Making the home a haven of rest when he returns home from work… not a messy, loud home filled with chaos
  • Spending money wisely… not impulsively or wastefully 
  • Teaching the children to honor him by our actions… not talking down at him or questioning him in front of the children
  • Planning ahead… not springing things upon him at the last minute
  • Being his biggest fan… not his biggest critic
  • Appreciating the things he does for you… not disregarding his efforts
  • Allowing him the grace to grow… not forcing him to change for you
  • Being patient with him… not placing unreasonable expectations on him
  • Being trustworthy… not sharing his secrets or failings with others
  • Being willingly affectionate to him (intimacy)… not withholding

I know some of you out there have horrible marriages and can not find the strength to do good to someone who  you find hard to like.  You read the list above and say, “Why doesn’t my husband do these good things for me?”  If we treated everyone the way we are treated, this world would fall apart.  The trick is to do Good and Not EVIL all the days of his life.  God is not giving you a guarantee that your life will be better if you do Good, He is telling you to DO GOOD.  Sometimes we just need to do what is right because it is the better way.  God’s ways are better than our ways.

For example, as we follow Christ’s teachings we can see how he handles doing good…

Matthew Chapter 5, verses…
38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:
39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.
41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

I want to be different than the rest of society.  When other people want to GET BACK at others, I want to LOVE. I want to LOVE because God told me to LOVE.  What reward is there for doing good to those that are good to you?  There are four ways we can repay others.  We can return…

  1. Good for Good 
  2. Evil for Evil
  3. Evil for Good 
  4. Good for Evil

The first two examples are the most common.  

Good for Good…

Everyone likes to return good for good.  Your husband was good to you so you will be kind in return.  Easy.  That is normal and very good.  Even gangsters in the ghetto who murder and steal can return good for good.  They are good to one another.  They will die for each other.  It does not take a righteous human to return good for good.

Evil for Evil…
This one is also easy.  Your husband was short with you so it is only right that you react in a short, nasty manner.  It feels right and good.  It makes sense.  Like a little child will say after slapping another child “But, he hit me first!!!!”  It starts from early in life and is completely normal human nature to get someone back.  An “eye for an eye” has been practiced all throughout history.  This is how wars start and there is nothing ever solved through this practice.  When my kids return evil for evil, which they do, I cringe.

Two wrongs NEVER make a right.  Even if one started it, the whole thing just gets uglier after the other one fights back.  I know it makes perfect sense to react to your husband by the way he treats you, but it won’t end well.  It never will.  I would like to add that it is very childish to behave that way.  You may sound more grown up with the vocabulary you have learned, but the same bickering back and forth is as immature as a couple of little kids fighting over the last piece of cake.  Stop that!

Evil for Good…

This one is LOW DOWN.  It happens all too often.  I see it in my children as well.  One of my children could be coloring a pretty picture to give to the other child who says “That picture is ugly! I do not want it!!”  That is evil for good.  The child was trying to do a good thing and was treated horrible in return.  Bullies are good at this.  They love to see others hurting.  They marvel in how they can tear others down who are doing something good.  Some women treat their husband horribly evil even though their husbands work all day to provide for their family and remain faithful to her.  She just thinks of herself and does not care how she comes across to her husband.  Likewise, husbands can return evil for good to their own wife.  Even though their wife was working hard all day to please him, he will point out all that she failed to do.  Husbands and wives are good at this and it is LOW DOWN.

Good for Evil…
This is the most rare because it does not make sense.  The rest of society will say that we are weak if we are good to someone when they are bad to us.  Instead I say it is Godly.  Sometimes we can win the other’s heart with our kindness, goodness, and love toward them when they surely do not deserve it.  This is how God loves us.
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

If our husband comes home cross, we can smile and run to greet him.  He may find it strange at first but I bet he will learn soon to enjoy that welcoming spirit.  God has taught us a different way, a way that is strange to us.
Again, if there is abuse (follow my Link to read more on how to handle real abuse) going on, the right thing to do is to get immediate help as I am not saying you need to be good to a husband who is abusing you or your children.  I am just talking about in general how we treat our husbands because they are not perfect as we are not perfect.

Doing Good and not Evil all the days of his life may seem very hard for you today but it is easy if you look at it in a different way.  Through Christ’s sacrifice.  If we are believers, we want to be more like Christ in all areas of our lives.  If Christ could be so good to us even though we have either done a lot wrong in our lives, or forgot Him altogether, why not try learning the art of doing good to our husband today.  Seek out ways to do him good and not evil.  If nothing else, start by praying daily for him and for your marriage.

Here is my prayer today:  “Thank you Lord for giving us a husband.  Thank you for all that they do to provide for their families.   Bless them today and keep them safe if they are away from home.  Help us encourage them in all their strengths and be a warm welcoming spirit towards them.  Make this a special day for our marriage, one that is filled with hope and grace.  Help heal any broken relationships that may be out there today and give them a miracle.  The miracle of your divine love.  Thank you for attending our prayer, in Jesus precious name, Amen!”

33 thoughts on “Doing Good Not Evil

  1. This is a WONDERFUL post, Erin. I did almost all of the wrong things when I first got married. What has really helped me recently is to give up controlling or trying to change my husband in any way. Let him do what he wants, eat what he wants, have his own opinions, etc. without me interfering but just accepting, loving, and encouraging him. I recently wrote a post about it since it is so difficult for us women to give up ALL control but it is so good and reaps such beautiful fruit like an intimate and romantic marriage!
    http://www.lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/06/desiring-intimate-marriage.html

    • I loved your post as well. I know I have done all the wrong things in my marriage many times over and I am trying to learn from all of them. I see the fruits they produce, and since I have been sweeter, the fruit is sweeter. What a blessing to give in and let the Love of Christ reign!!!

  2. This is so good and I needed it today. Had a low down moment this morning…hope it will be forgotten and forgiven and we can have a better day going forward.

    • I have the low down moments from time to time and I am thankful that my husband is patient with me. He sees how far I have come and forgives my down moments very quickly. I will pray that you have a better day today. Thank you for sharing with me.

    • I sure will! I actually loved potty training my kids. For now I will tell you that I spent a lot of time reading to them while they sat on the potty chair. I just sat their beside them until they went and I gave them lots of encouragement when I heard the tinkle noise!!! Maybe soon I will do a detailed post on how to potty train. I hope this is helpful:)

  3. I simply love this post!
    I have had anger in my spirit lately towards my husband. I want to keep the children home, safe with me, and he went out and sent them to school! They went to school this past year, and I have been harboring a lot of anger.
    What are some things I can do to let go of this anger? Do you have any advice on convincing my husband to take the kids out of school and keep them home?
    Ashleigh

    • I am sorry you have anger toward your husband. I have had those same feelings myself when my husband made big life decisions without my full consent in our past. I have learned to trust him through the things I do not understand as the head of our family. God has always given me the grace to walk through some pretty difficult things and eventually I could realize my husband did have a better understanding than what I did.
      I think to start with, you could try to notice all the good things that he has done to lead the family. That is what helped me when I was really angry. I would try to put things into perspective,”at least he is not cheating on me, or at least he is not a drunken pervert,” or things like that. It helped me see the bigger picture and appreciate his love for me. Listen to his reasons and share with him your feelings. Remember, a house divided against itself will not stand. These angry feelings will turn into bitterness and the walls will grow stronger between you. Your relationship with your husband is more important that how the kids are schooled. I know how much you want them home but the damage that they could get from witnessing bitterness between their parents would leave far more scars than any public school. I am not the best with advising in a professional way, just by my own observations of marriages that went bad and why they went bad, also by my own mistakes have I learned.
      I will be praying for you in your situation. I hope that I have said something that was helpful in some way. I pray God to heal your anger in this and give you the grace to walk this through in faith.

      • Thank you so much for your kind words! I do think I will work on the good things about him. Maybe even make it a blog post. Thank you so much!

    • Awww, thank you for taking a moment to comment. I am so glad to hear that you enjoy my blog all the way in Norway! God bless you!

  4. Even gangsters in the ghetto who murder and steal can return good for good. They are good to one another.
    How many gangsters in the ghetto have you known?

  5. Erin, I absolutely love how you allow God to work through you. Your writings are such a tremendous blessing to me. I’m slowly learning to become the wife God would have me to be, I feel I have short comings daily, but articles like this and Debi Pearls books, have helped so much. May God richly bless you for taking the time to share with us!

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