For those of you who are praying for Molly, we are so thankful. Things have progressed for her. We did many labs including another microalbumin. A normal person is supossed to be less than 30 and she has slowly been rising over the last 8 months. In the beginning of February she was 94 and she jumped to over 300 in the past week. That is not good. We went on the recommendation of a trusted friend to follow a very good doctor in New York. The low carb, high protein/fat diet to bring her into better sugar control. It made a big difference, but not the kind we had hoped for. I get mad at myself for jumping in to this and it being soooooo harmful. It would be very dangerous to continue in that direction as we have seen the results of the recent labs. She also showed some elevation in the thyroid. That is something else we will have to work on. Although I appreciate friends making suggestions, I feel that for now, JUST PRAY! I am worried that I am trying too many things, jumping from one CURE ALL to the next, and we can not keep that up. Molly is feeling really bad that one day she can have this, one day she has to take this, and not eat that, and more experiments. I am so sad she has to endure this. I know it will make us all stronger but it is rough to walk this path right now. I have all I can do to keep my peace, and trust. We get so busy trying all these different, HOPEFUL remedies. Praying, hoping, trusting, that it will help, and when it runs you into a wall again, you feel worn out. "Do not grow weary in well doing, for in due season ye shall reap if ye faint not" that is a verse I have memorized and that I cling to. My mind wants to think of all the things that could happen, but I know that I have to "bring my thoughts into the captivity of Christ". Considering the sparrow and how the Lord cares for him and feeds him. I know Molly is worth more than a sparrow, and that He will care for her every step of the way. One day at a time. Here is a hymn that comes to my mind now:
Does Jesus Care?
Lyrics ~ Frank E. Graeff, 1860 - 1919
Music ~ J. Lincoln Hall, 1866 - 1930
Does Jesus care when my heart is pained
Too deeply for mirth and song;
As the burdens press, and the cares distress,
And the way grows weary and long?
Does Jesus care when my way is dark
With a nameless dread and fear?
As the daylight fades into deep night shades,
Does He care enough to be near?
Does Jesus care when I've tried and failed
To resist some temptation strong;
When for my deep grief I find no relief,
Tho my tears flow all the night long?
Does Jesus care when I've said goodbye
To the dearest on earth to me,
And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks
Is it aught to Him? Does He see?
O yes, He cares- I know He cares!
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary,
The long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares. (He cares.)
On another note: We had been struggling with Miles for quite some time. It was hard for me to admit to all of you all that we have been through with him. He had extreme problems with schooling and concentration. So bad, that I felt like I sometimes could not handle it. With everything else, that is. It is hard to admit that I do not have it all together. I fail. I fuss sometimes. I feel like I have had all I can take and then I have to keep going, keep serving, cooking, caring, teaching, loving, and at the end of the day I know that I did all I could and knowing the night will be interrupted with scary moments with Molly's crazy blood sugars. And then the madness starts afresh the next morning. Feeling frustrated that Miles would not do his schoolwork, or chores done on time. Keep reminding him all day, and more frustration. I tried all the ADD type remedies with no avail. BUT, we finally brought him in to the doctor because it was getting very concerning. He was having a hard time breathing, he was having a hard time sleeping, and eating, concentrating, staying on task, and having severe headaches. I hate to bring him in the doctor, but it was getting to that point of worry that you just KNOW something is wrong. We found, to our relief, that it was something. Many times you think you have a problem, and the doctors look at you and say, there is nothing wrong. The normal iron level is over 50 and Miles was 15. That is way too low and causes all the symptoms of pain, restlessness, fatigue, lack of concentration, sleep depravation, and irritability. This is a pretty easy fix. He just has to take iron supplements. So praise God for that! I was feeling bad about this poor boy, making him feel like he was not doing his best, was not working hard enough at school and chores. I could cry about all the times I was frustrated and not patient with him. I told him I was so sorry for treating him that way when he just could not function. He said, "oh, that's alright, mom. You didn't know. I am hoping these pills make me more responsible so I can do a really good job in life." Wow, that is very humbling. He was not being lazy, he just could not give any more because he was sick. I am very hopeful that in time Miles will be feeling a lot better.
Yet another note: Pray for Mikey. He had been feeling chest pains and was not telling me about them because he did not want heart surgery again. Instead, he would just lay in his bed until the episode would pass. We soon will be getting another echocardiogram to see if he is okay. They told us he may need another open heart operation at some point, but we pray that it would not need to happen. I felt so badly that I was so busily caring for Molly and trying to get Miles on task, it took my attention away from Mikey's heart issues. When I was younger and my whole world ahead of me, I prayed I would have at least a dozen children. I wanted to have as many as the Lord would allow. But God only gives us what we can handle. When I was on a roll, having a baby every year, I had no idea that we would have these issues. When you have issues like these, it is so hard to offer each child the attention that they need. And if I would have a dozen or more, how would I do it. I was sad when I could not have more children, but now I know that I have all I can handle. The Lord is so merciful. Not that I wouldn't want more, it is just that our plate is full here. We need to invest into the ones we have, thanking God for the blessing of each life he gave us. Being ever thankful that we HAVE children. Some people can not have any. It is not in the number I can have, but in the number that are living for Christ one day. That is the main thing. We need to raise kids that make a difference in the world, not help add to the problems. If I would not have the time for the dozen, half a dozen would go into life half hearted and searching for attention in ways that would be harmful to them and others. Yeah, there are lots of things going on at the homestead over here-lots of things to be thankful for, that is for sure! :) I will start with these 5!!! Thank you Lord for these 5! What a blessing to know each of them and have them in my life! Miles, Molly, Megan, Mikey, and Junior! Never a dull moment!
We have our hands full and yet our cup is overflown with blessings and joy. Mark is praying for more rack orders, since his other work dried up at the moment. We are planning to sell the homestead, Lord willing. We have to make our situation more doable. Downsize. Simplify. We are considering a tiny cabin (700 sq feet) in the woods. It is pretty self sufficient. It has a rain water system, an outhouse. We would add a well, and are content with the outhouse because there is also a sweedish composting toilet inside which will make it easier for me. There is 25 acres of woods, so that will be different for us. It is all in the Lord's hands. We have to trust Him to lead us to a place that we can afford. A place we can hunker down awhile. Thanks for your many, many prayers. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of our members here at HCP. We appreciate each of you.