About 10 years ago I felt an urgency to write my story. My whole life story. Many times I would start typing it out and I would stop because I didn’t want to write the bad parts in. I wanted the story to be fun and happy. It seemed to me that I needed to write it down, if it could help others out there who were struggling to find their way in the same ways I did.
My life was nothing of the ordinary. It was always a test for me to see if I could get back up each and every time I was knocked down. There were times I thought I would kill myself with forces so evil that seemed to get into my very soul to destroy me. Stories along the journey that were hard to tell because they seemed so unbelievable that anyone reading it would think I made it up. But I didn’t. You see, I have had a crazy life and it is a story that I ran away from because…
I really cared more about what people thought about me than what God did.
I ran away because I was scared to tell stories that might offend people or estrange my loved ones because sadly, the truth is that no matter who you are, you will let someone down. My goal in writing this book is to reveal the REALITY of God and show that no matter who you are, what you have done, what others have done to you, God still remains the same.
And I decided that I can be made a fool for His sake. My life is not my own anyway and if God wants to use these stories to show people that they are not alone, that He is always listening and working even when we don’t tune into it, I have to be willing to lay my own life before His throne. I can’t keep my story for myself because it has power to set others free.
He takes all of the things that happen in our lives and he gives us opportunities to learn and grow from them.
It took me too many years wandering around in life making some of the same mistakes, playing a fool, and putting too much value on what others thought of me to really find out who I was in Christ and what my purpose was. This book is the reality of life. The ins and outs, the raw stories of failing, finding joy in all of life’s crazy ordeals, learning to relate to God in a world that seems so unfriendly at times. It has been a lot of years of chasing dreams to watch those same dreams crumble before my eyes and still NEVER GIVE UP. Living long enough to know that people will let you down no matter who they are, yet God NEVER WILL.
The story is interesting, entertaining, educational, and you will find yourself laughing, crying, and even on the edge of your seat. It will take you on an adventure on what it was like to live among the Amish, learn to live off the land, go from one extreme to the other, get stuck in cults, communities, follow disastrous dreams that lead to painful outcomes, and finding complete redemption in the process. I never gave up and I never will now, I have found the secret to true joy that never will depend on others or the circumstances of life. It is rock solid faith that cannot be shaken.
At one point I was abducted in a foreign land and my organs were nearly harvested. The people I have trusted to read the manuscript so far had said it kept them so gripped they could not wait to read the next installments to the story each day. I am nearly done with the stories. I have an excerpt to share with you today…
Two days after the birth of Miles, I had to walk on the stage to receive my Bachelors degree at the University.Mark was holding the baby out in the crowd somewhere.I did not know where they were, I just nestled a little inner tube under my graduation gown. I had to have it for anytime I sat. As I walked up to the principle of Lawrence University who handed me my diploma, I could hear my baby crying in the crowd. My milk let down right there and the gown was now wet in two spots and everyone stared.The disgust they had was confirmed in that brief display. I paid no mind because I knew my baby was hungry and I would not listen to another speech nor sit another minute, I would find him by following my heart.
There is a powerful force between a mother and her child. Science has yet to figure it out.Nothing can match it. It is like gravity. When one tries to defy gravity they meet certain death.Every woman that is separated from her flesh experiences a death of sorts. I can see how my mother must have died a thousand deaths for every passing year parted from her child. They say when a mother has an abortion, she never fully recovers for the life that is ripped from her. It is sacred. Life is sacred.
I was adjusting to motherhood, the sleepless night feedings, the long hours of trying to figure out what each cry means. You eventually get in tune with the patterns:what they like and what they do not like, when they are hungry, when they are tired, and when they just want to look at you because you are their mother.
No sooner did I align myself with my new infant did I get the call for my first teaching job starting that fall. I thought I would have jumped at the idea. It was what I worked so hard for. Mom worked. All women I knew worked and it seemed fair to say that working was the way of life of the modern mother. Leaving your child was all a part of the program. When they are 5 years old, you send them on the school bus. Was that going to be my path? Why did I feel so sad to leave?
The morning I woke for school came too soon. I bundled up my baby and rushed him off to the babysitter for the day. She had a few other little ones and was happy to have a new baby on board. It was a home daycare. She seemed so trustworthy. I touched the soft delicate skin of my baby boy’s cheeks one last time before I fled out of her back door in a state of grief. I felt a sense of loss. My breasts cried out to feed him and the artificial pumps were of no consolation.
All day working with little children of all ages, I started to wonder if I was doing the right thing. Why would I be spending the day with other’s little ones while someone else is spending the day with my precious son. She is the one who will get to observe all the firsts. The first step, the first roll over, and she will have what is rightfully mine as his mother. I could not change it, I had the job, I could not let the school down. After work that day, I drove to the baby-sitter’s home to pick up Miles. As I picked his carrier up I wondered if he had been in there most of the day. I wondered if she was busy tending to the other children to notice him.
As I unhooked him after coming to our home down the street, I smelled him. I took the deepest smell of his skin to remind me of scent that I missed all day and I started to cough. He smelled like an ash tray. She had told me that she didn’t smoke. Someone there did. Who was the one blowing smoke around my baby? Will I bring him back there? That’s the real question that begged an answer.
I bathed my baby washing all the smoke that penetrated every inch of his little body. The night was quiet, sober, as I held him so much closer. Tossing and turning with fear of what the morning might bring. I couldn’t leave him ever again.It was decided. Who quits their dream job the second day? Only a person who finds a more fulfilling dream to replace it.
Motherhood that day became my calling and I vowed never to step outside the home for anything or anyone.This calling became something etched into my heart that morning.My life’s work was staring at me through those little eyes and I knew that my purpose was far beyond credentials, paychecks, and classrooms filled with generations of families marching their children off to school year after year. I traded a career that morning, a career that could have spanned a lifetime, for a humble title: the keeper of the home.
Motherhood was the gift. It comes with a little package wrapped in flesh. Tiny heart beating in sync with creation and the plan of God. He created a woman to bring forth life and to nurture its very essence from the beginning. I realized in that short time that there was a battle on in society which rages against nature. Against the natural pureness of marriage, motherhood, and family. There was a lot to learn, for I was not educated in the ways of the home.
I am also excited to announce that I will be starting a book study on Living Virtuously at my normal Talk Show time, hop back on the Keeper of the Homestead Facebook page to watch it LIVE starting this Tues at 2 pm CST. I hope to have few other amazing ladies as guests on the Show to go over the Proverbs 31 verses. If you do not have my book, here is the link, order it soon so you have it. Can’t wait to see you then!