Have you ever tried walking on eggshells? Real eggshells?
If you lay egg shells out over the floor and try to walk on them, they cut into the bottom of your foot and it makes you pull back. They break under your feet because they are so fragile. You must walk carefully in order not destroy them completely as well as being careful of hurting yourself in the process.In the same way, some people are so sensitive and so easily offended that you feel you have to tip toe around them just to make sure you do not accidentally hit a nerve. You have to withdraw yourself in veritably to protect yourself from getting hurt as well. You have to “Walk on Eggshells” when you are around them.I have to throw this out there because when you start getting to the heart of Proverbs 31, you will hit some nerves. God’s word will hit people’s nerves. So, God decides to write a chapter about this woman who he praises. I in turn decide to write about how it impresses upon my life. Subsequently, people read what I write and they think that somehow I know them personally and have somehow made a person assault on them. Everyone has their own level of sensitivity. We all have buttons. If people push a certain button, we will get our feelings hurt. We are touchy.
Touchy, touchy…
I know we all have sensitivities. Some people have had certain situations happen in their lives that made them sensitive. Circumstances can shape us. They can make us react in many ways that we ourselves can not comprehend. If we lost everything, it is hard to rejoice with someone if they have a season of abundance. If we are talented and capable but have a husband that is controlling, we have a hard time when another lady has more freedom.
If we are lazy and we do not feel motivated to get up and clean our home each day, our first reaction is to lash out and say other people who clean their homes do not spend time with their kids or put faith as an importance in their home. The hypocrites of this world love to throw stones at people that are working hard at something because it makes them feel better about their non productive life.
Another person has a lousy relationship with their husband and children. They nag and rag and live in constant stress. When they see someone that actually has a HAPPY family life, they automatically assume it is dysfunctional and that the person enjoying the bliss of it all must be delusional somehow or they have done sick twisted things to produce it. Wicked imaginations. Well, news flash, sometimes people choose to be obedient to God’s word, love their neighbor as themselves, joyfully submit to their amazing husband, and teach their children by example, it takes effort–and Tadah!!!!, enjoy the blessings that follow.
Jealousy can cause us to behave beneath our dignity. We are upset with our lot, so we get nasty when others succeed. People have to be so careful around us because if they say the wrong thing, we may get our undees in a bundle.
If someone is telling you that they feel like they have to Walk on Eggshells around you, what is that telling you?
- They can not be themselves around you.
- They feel trapped. There is no pleasing you, everything upsets you.
- They have to be careful what they say to you because they fear your reaction.
I have put people in prison like this before. I have had people tell me this in the past and I took it to heart. I saw the ugliness of this and strived to overcome my sensitivities. I was very fragile, easily broken. I was easily offended and hurt.
What are offenses? By definition…
- a breach of a law or rule; an illegal act
- annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles: he went out, making it clear he’d taken offense
- the action of attacking
Stumbling Blocks…
You can offend people that are weaker in the faith, causing them to stumble. We have to be mindful not to do things to cause this type of offense.
Romans Chapter 14
19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.
20 For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed [are] pure; but [it is] evil for that man who eateth with offence.
21 [It is] good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor [any thing] whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.
Some speak truth or follow truth and when persecution comes, they get offended because it hurts when people accuse you or judge you for choosing the right path. I have been spit at for the gospel, ridiculed, and even told I will be all alone with my bible, but I had to keep pressing forward through those fiery darts. It is easy to become weary and stop the good fight of faith.
Matthew Chapter 13
19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth [it] not, then cometh the wicked [one], and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.
20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;
21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.
There are offenses that are vile. If a child is abused, it is considered an offense and Christ tells us how much he detests the perpetrator. Woe to the person who defiles an innocent child…
Matthew Chapter 18
6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast [them] from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast [it] from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
How desperate a person is to follow righteousness these days?
Some people hear the truth and they know they are guilty. They get offended because they do not want to deal with their own sinfulness. Their heart races and their face snarls. They fight back the holy spirit who is convicting them. The first instinct is to blame the deliverer of the truth. Find fault with the messenger. They may get out their ugly claws for a time, but if they love the Lord, He will slowly show them truth in time.I have seen people come around on things that first set them off because they want to follow what is true and right in the end. The beauty is that once a person has been offended by truth and later comes around, they become more steadfast then the person who passively agrees to start with. Paul is a grand example in the bible of this. He was the vilest offender to the work of Christ, actively persecuting its followers. When he finally came to the knowledge of the truth in his heart, he became the greatest defender of it.What if you have offended someone?
I have offended people. I stick my foot in my mouth, and eat my words. It is such a horrible feeling. I have done things that I should not have done and it took me years to mend those relationships and build their trust in me again. We reap what we sow.
Proverbs Chapter 18
19 A brother offended [is harder to be won] than a strong city: and [their] contentions [are] like the bars of a castle.
20 A man’s belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; [and] with the increase of his lips shall he be filled.
If you have offended someone and they are not willing to work with you towards reconciliation, the only thing you can do is to pray for them. It may take time for them to see the repentance you have made in that area to realize you mean business. If you have done all you can and they still remain bitter, they are only hurting themselves.
People have choices whether they take offenses. Especially if they choose to take offense easily.
When you stop allowing other people to control your feelings, you will start having more peace and joy in your life. Here are a few realizations I have made that helped me overcome in this area.
- God created each person unique, they do not have to be just like me. I can not expect others to see things just as I see them.
- God gave us all a free will, therefore, they have a right to be who they want to be. I do not have to answer for them.
- I do not have to let things bother me. When I get hurt, it is my own fault.
- If someone does not agree with me, it is okay. They have a right to have their perspective.
- I can’t control others. They have to make their own decisions and make their own mistakes just like I have.
- I need to love my neighbor as myself.
- I can not please everyone. It is an unrealistic goal.
- When I get easily offended, I am really feeling sorry for myself.
Whoa Nelly! There are actually people out there that LOVE to offend people? On purpose?
There are people out there that thrive on pushing buttons. They like the feeling of power they get when they set off a bomb. It is a cheap thrill for them. In fact, there are people that incite riots just to sit back and laugh at how crazy people can get. Now more than ever there are insecure people that get a rush off of being a bully. It is more convenient than ever because you can bully people around on the internet. No one knows what you look like, who you are, or what kind of life you live. They do this just for kicks.You can pretend to be someone else, empower yourself to cause divisions, dissension, and mock people without ever having to face them in person. These people are not exactly offended, they just love to stir the pot. When there is a good preacher or teacher of God’s word who is speaking truth, these cyber bullies will come out of the woodwork and try to shed doubt in the heart of the hearer. They put a hateful comment and usually trick people. The purpose is not to share their heart, they do this solely to get the readers to see that comment and reread what was taught and second guess everything. Mainly to get them to jump into the trap they set. It is all a game for these types of people. They have feet that are swift in running to mischief to sow discord among the believers.If you go head to head with them, they actually get a kick from it. Know that you are not talking to a normal human nor to a true believer-do not feed into them. They are set there for a purpose to bring others down. They love the control they have over others. What a waste to spend your days trashing other people just for the fun of it.According to God’s word, there are 6 things the Lord HATES…
Proverbs Chapter 6
16 These six [things] doth the LORD hate: yea, seven [are] an abomination unto him:
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness [that] speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
The moral of the story…
You get what you put into life. If you are constantly getting offended and hurt, your life will be full of hurt and bitterness. If you let things roll off your shoulder, choose joy no matter what the circumstance, your life will be full of gladness. Joy is a choice. Being offended is also a choice. You are in control of your mind.
If you are a person that has been told others have to walk on eggshells to be around you, examine your heart today. Figure out why you are so touchy. Remember, it is hard to be around you when you are so fragile. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Would you want to be careful about everything you say? Probably not. Why place that burden on others if you would not like it yourself.
If you are offending others on purpose ask yourself what this nasty behavior proves. Are you a part of the world’s problem or are you a part of the solution? There are plenty of people out their swift to cause mischief and dissension, and you are just playing right into the devil’s hands. I speak from experience when I say that serving Christ is way more fulfilling than your greatest thrill of self gratification. It is much more rewarding to love than to hate.
16 thoughts on “Walking on Egg Shells”
Erin, do you mind if I share this on my blog? Your posts speak directly to my heart but this is one that I feel strongly led to share and share and share. Please let me know. Thank you 🙂
I, too, have pointed out the example of the Proverbs 31 woman in trying to “explain” why I work…after being ridiculed. Well, for 14 years I stayed home, did not work outside the home. I did little things like make hair bows and sold them and such but mainly for fun and just for spending money. I homeschooled my children. Well 2 years ago I had to put my children in public school. I have had to work full time. My husband has a chronic illness. He had been the fulltime and only provider forever. Most of my friends were also SAHMs. I have found myself get caught up in talking about how it is better to stay at home and do all of these things than to go work.. that was the “man’s job!” Well, while I was busy mouthing about all of this, I was not even home to be cleaning my home, blessing my family and taking care of my children. Little did I know my bubble would be burst and I would have no choice but to go to work. Do I miss my days of being at home? Absolutely! But it is also nice providing for my family as well and I find myself cherishing the time I have with them and making it QUALITY time much more than I did when I had so much time with them. I took it forgranted and got lazy just to be real honest. I think God has a plan for each of us and we each have to seek Him and follow His plan for our lives. Work or don’t work. Ask God. Talk to your husband. But I know that I am the last person to throw a stone at a woman who is working and trying to balance it all or to throw a stone at a woman who is a SAHM and gets lonely and feels the pressure of having it all perfect. God knows each of our hearts (better than we know our own His word says) so I think it all boils down to just simply talking to God and our husbands and then being a peace with what you are called to do. 🙂 Smiles and Blessings, Klara
I really needed to hear this, Thank you! You are such a blessing. To God be the glory! 🙂
Thank you for posting this important post! I just wanted to share with you that I preempted your cleaning schedule and got started on my bathroom. My cleaning buddy has been yelling things like, “Wow, I found more dust on the top of the door frame!” It’s very cute. Thank you again for inspiring us to clean. I reminded my cleaning buddy and myself that the house we live in is a gift from God, and it really belongs to Him, so we must keep it clean. I do have one question for you, and I hope you can address it when you post on bathroom cleaning. I clean my bathroom as best as I can. But there are some serious problems like paint peeling, disintegrating caulking, broken fixtures, that I cannot do much about. My bathroom looks dirty despite my cleaning because of these problems. My husband likes to do all the work around the house himself. He does not like to hire anyone to do the work. But since he works full-time outside home, he can only do so much, and the rest of the work goes undone for years and years. I don’t try to fix things myself either because I don’t have the expertise, and even if I did, it would displease my husband, because it won’t be as good as his work. You seem to be renting a nicely maintained house? But if you can share an insight on my problem, that’ll be great. It’s kind of discouraging when things don’t look clean after I’ve cleaned.
Thank you for writing this article! It was written very well! I can definitely relate, as being the one walking, or the one being walked around. Oh, bless you!
I had just been praying (literally just before reading this!) about whether or not I should confront a person about some things she said. This person has shown herself to be a pot-stirrer in the past. I think I have my answer now! Thank you so much!
I have been praying about this very subject. Thank you for sharing. Your a blessing:)
Amen!! What a blessing it is to read what you have to say. I have been trying to get my head around a few things lately. I have just finished reading Created to be his Help Meet, thanks to you and your blog, I discovered this book. I feel like I have been given this whole new way of looking at things, this offense thing plays a big part in marriage doesn’t it? Most of my day to day offenses would have to come from my husband, all those little things. I think it takes a lot of strength of character to chose not to be offended, I used to think it felt weak to let my husband “get away with things” that it was up to me to correct him or show him where he was wrong. My husband is not saved, and now I feel like I have been given a real treasure. It is strength and right to not be offended and to make the right choice to love, forgive and not say anything. The Holy Spirit gave me a word the other day (meek). I believe if I can become meek it will have a profound effect on my marriage. Do you think it is like most things the more you do it the easier it becomes? like a good habit. I know the woman and wife I want to be and God wants me to be, it is up to me to make that vision a reality, by choosing Gods way and praying a lot!
Blessings
Jo
Yes! It truly takes practice to retrain yourself not to be easily offended. I have to continue practicing because, as a woman, I have sensitive feelings myself and I do have the temptation to get stirred up. God created us with emotions. We have to learn to control them. It takes practice!
I will pray that you will win your husband’s heart! Good for you for choosing the high road of loving and honoring him for the Lord’s sake!
I too was transformed by Created to be his Help Meet. Thank God for the Pearls for their ministry! I was wondering what you meant when you said you feel like you are given a real treasure regarding your unsaved husband? My husband is not saved either, but I never thought of that as anything good.
I also share your feeling about being meek. I feel that I have recently made a break through in learning about meekness, albeit not by choice. After years of struggling with my unfavorable lot, I came to a place of surrender and acceptance. Being meek and seeing myself as a ball of methane (Michael Pearl’s words from Ephesians CD), I even became thankful for my lot.
One last thing, how do you get words from the Holy Spirit? I would love to have that happen to me. I sometimes feel my spiritual life is one-way street.
Hi, what I meant by a real treasure, was the information I have learnt from reading that book. The promises and the hope that we are given. The treasure of the written word, God is in control and if we follow his ways and instructions, he will the do the work in us and bringing our husbands to saving faith, we just have to be obedient. Sorry if I didn’t word it very clearly. I get words from the Holy Spirit just from times of being in prayer, it is like getting a thought or having a word pop into your head. I was upset and frustrated so I went to a quiet place to pray, and as I was praying for help I just had the words come into my head, “If you want your husband to be saved you must become meek” and the word meek just seemed to stick with me. I think just becoming still and quiet in your own spirit and waiting on the Holy Spirit allows his voice to become louder. Being an open vessel. I hope that makes sense. I will be praying for you and your husband. I just had a thought I hope you don’t mind me asking, have you been baptised with the Holy Spirit, if you haven’t it is just a matter of praying a simple prayer asking to be baptised with the Holy Spirit, then daily praying to be filled with the holy spirit. My pastor once described it as putting on your robe in the morning, daily being filled with the Holy Spirit is like putting on our clothes each day, something we need to do afresh each day, asking to be refilled with the Holy Spirit.
Blessings Jo