All for a Farewell

The other day in the heat of the afternoon I heard a very loud noise coming from around the house.  It sounded like someone was tearing around on a hot rod in my back yard.  I looked out every window but one.  I saw nothing.  The sounds seemed to be coming from the back of my house so I looked out the window in our office.  It was my husband!  He was stuck trying to unload a dump load of sod that was dug out at the job site.  My heart raced with excitement.  I was so happy to see him earlier than usual now that he is back to work construction full time.  I stood on the deck and called to him hoping he was home to stay.  He was in a mad rush to dump that load of dirt and get back to the job.  I wondered why he was dumping such a big pile of dirt and sod to the back of our home.  He said it was to fill a big hole and that he didn’t have time to smooth it out this year, it will have to stay like that.  When he finally pulled the truck out of the ruts, the rest of the dirt came out across an even bigger patch.  Now, I would not be able to walk to my cloths line without having to climb a mound of dirt.  I could see he was in a rush so I called out to him for a farewell kiss.  He yelled back, “Well, get over here then!”  I took that as a friendly invite and started to climb down the deck steps toward him.  As I stepped onto the grass, I accidentally stepped into a very deep pot hole that was hidden by the tall grasses by the dirt pile.  I went down!  Now that hurried farewell turned into a big life saving moment.  I was screaming in pain and my knight in shining armor had to come to my rescue.  He lifted me back into the house covering me with dirt from his muddy hands.  He hoisted me into the chair and felt really sad for me.  He hates to see me suffer, that much I know.  He quickly left and this time he came to me for the salty farewell kiss mixed with tears.  I was able to walk for the past couple months, but now I am a bit laid up again.  It is okay.  I never think the good days will last that long.  I go up and down so much that I get used to being laid up.  It is hard to be laid up when I need to be helping Molly so much right now, but she is getting to be a big girl.  She is able to do a lot herself.  I am just the reminder.  

I have been taking the kids to a very very conservative baptist church for VBS this week.  I could barely make it there yesterday, mostly using cruise control on the country roads.  When I hobbled in with my cane, I said I wish I could help.  The pastor’s wife found a special job for me that I could do.  When her baby was tired, I got to hold him for his nap.  He slept a good hour or so and that was a really big help to her so she could keep teaching.  Then a 12 year old girl came up to me and said, “You have so much pain, but you never complain!  I think that is a good attitude and example.  Most people would be upset and they would complain.”  I guess I never thought about it because I am always in pain.  I figure I would be a broken record if I was forever complaining.  That would be annoying.  I just figure that it is my special gift from God.  Why would I call pain a gift?  Well, it is such a life long problem that it can only be given by God.  It is a part of me now and for the rest of my days.  How could something like this happen unless God allowed it.  He allowed this for me so that I could understand suffering, joy, and mercy.  Not that any of us wants to suffer, but in that suffering we are made strong.  Not in body, but in spirit.  It is never easy but my faith grows each day as I make it through each moment.  And that faith can touch others like that little girl yesterday.  It can be a living testimony of God’s grace and mercy that he shows to me.  My joy overflows and I sometimes do not understand how I could be so joyful when so many things seem to set us back.  I guess the joy is not in our circumstances like that of the non believers.  They go from one fix to the next and never ever experience joy.  It is foolishness to them that are wise.  They see my pitiful situation and say, oh you poor thing.  Oh no, not poor.  I am full of joy and blessings.  I never could see my glass half empty.  I see a life full of gifts, full of blessings.  I lack nothing in Christ.  My cup is overflowing.  I do not seek after worldly charms, only after the eternal.  This life is so short, it is but a vapor.  My hope is eternal.  If the first time I can walk pain free is on streets of gold, that is just fine with me.  That is all the more I will appreciate my eternal home.  Until then, I will limp, but I will not let this beat me down.  None of this will destroy my Joy.