“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”
What does it mean to have the heart of your husband safely trusting in you? There are several ways we can spoil his trust and confidence in us by our…
This week I will share about…
How can our husband trust in our conduct? Do we behave in a manner that brings disgrace upon our husband?
Maybe I am the lone ranger here, but I have been guilty of this myself. Early in my marriage I conducted myself in a manner that embarrassed my husband. I behaved unseemly both as a fool and as a flirt.
When we would get into group settings, I would get hyper and foolish. It was not uncommon for me to start showing off with my Tae Kwon Do or doing impersonations of different funny characters. All the people would laugh so hard they would nearly cry. It made me feel really good because I love to see people laughing and having a good time. My husband on the other hand would feel horrified. He would bury his head into his hands and just wish for it to be over.
For many years I continued in this foolish conduct because I felt he was overreacting and that he should not care about what others think so much. Because he was the head of our home, he felt my conduct was influencing foolish behavior in our children and it was making others have less respect for me. He would say, “Do you want our kids to be fools? When you act like a fool, you give people the impression that you do not take anything seriously.” It took me years to see the fruits of my poor conduct and even more years to understand the shame I had brought on my husband. I was acting in a manner that gave him need of spoil. Being one in marriage means more than an agreement on a slip of paper. It means you are one in your success, one in your joy, one in your failings and also one in your shame. Unknowingly, I caused my husband to not trust me.
A married woman can be flirtatious with other men and can cause her husband to spoil. He will always wonder if he is the apple of her eye or if she is longing for another. A woman can destroy her husband’s trust by how she acts in front of other men. If she dresses in a way that shows off her goods, she is sharing something that is for her husband’s eyes alone. Many women fail to realize that a husband, although he may love to see his wife looking seductive, would rather not share her seductive look with others. Here is a photo of me (embarrassing) during my time of trying to seek the world’s attention…
If you can believe it, I used to be a bit of a flirt around other men by the way I dressed combined with my actions. I liked to be noticed and the enjoyed positive attention that I received. I would curl my hair, paint my nails, wear gobs of makeup, and even use fake eye lashes. I wore tight pants and high-heeled boots, low cut tops and lots of jewelry. This was about 6 years ago, and yes, I had all five of my children and it was while I was taking wedding photos. To the men, I looked available and I knew they were interested because they would ask for my number. I had lots of offers. I did not realize how serious my conduct was. Not only was I a disgrace to my husband and family, I was a stumbling block to many other men. I had no business behaving in that manner. My husband said, “Why are you trying to look like a teenager? You are 32 years old with a family, why do you want other men to desire you?” I tell you, I have made a lot of foolish choices but I thank God that He is patient with me.
Some people argue that it was my bubbly, friendly personality. To prove my point, I did an experiment. I wore a long black skirt, put my hair in a ponytail, and wore a black modest top. I acted the same. No offers. No men chasing after me and checking me out.
Then I had my accident in the midst of this unseemly behavior. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was headed on a wrong path and the crippling pain I endured saved me from my own destruction. As I laid there day and night in utter agony, I pondered my ways. I could do nothing but scream in pain and pray for God to help me bear another minute. In that time of great suffering, God was all I had to lean on and it was then that I repented from my foolish ways. I will never forget this one cold, dark night, a night that I could not sleep. I could see my life flash before my eyes and I could see my children helping work on the homestead. I knew that was where I belonged. God gave me a vision to minister alongside my family to teach the skills of the land He created. As tears poured forth as a river, I knew I had strayed from my calling and God loved me so much that He would not allow me to go too far. The pale glimmer of the world was no longer important with all it’s vain glory, so I became steadfast from that moment forth. I will never desire the strange and empty attention of the world. No more compromise.
What a blessing to be an ornament of praise and honor to the Lord and to my husband. When I started dressing in a more discrete manner, my husband was so relieved. It took such a burden off him knowing that I was not a stumbling block. My husband will tell me to change my shirt if it is too snug. I am not offended, I feel special that he does not want to share his prize with others. There are other women that would take offense at this.
Some women are completely naïve and do not have husband’s that even trust them enough to tell them how they feel about their conduct. I have seen a lot of flirtatious women that dress so ridiculously seductive. They either act like they do not have a clue or they make an excuse that their husband is fine with it. Sure. He is fine with whatever you say if he is afraid of the ramifications he will have if he says anything against you. Some women are master manipulators. They manipulate their husband’s into agreeing with something that is totally against right and good. A man is no match against a woman who will make his life miserable if he defies her better wishes. He has to walk on eggshells to keep the peace in her presence. If he says the shirt is too tight, she may fly off the handle or ignore him for days. What can he do? He cannot safely trust in her. The moment he tries to lead or tell her how he feels, she will trample the trust he had in their relationship.Women do not realize how important it is for a man to safely trust in her. Next week I will share about how our conversation should be handled in order to keep the trust of our husband. Keep in mind, I am addressing women. I realize men have many faults and can act inappropriately as well. I speak to you from my own experiences and from the perspective of a wife who desires to be a virtuous woman. May God bless you as you seek him each day.
Stay tuned for: Virtuous Conversation