Virtuous Conduct

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”
Proverbs 31:11

What does it mean to have the heart of your husband safely trusting in you?  There are several ways we can spoil his trust and confidence in us by our…

  • Conduct
  • Conversation
  • Commitment

This week I will share about…
Virtuous Conduct:
How can our husband trust in our conduct?  Do we behave in a manner that brings disgrace upon our husband?

Maybe I am the lone ranger here, but I have been guilty of this myself.  Early in my marriage I conducted myself in a manner that embarrassed my husband.  I behaved unseemly both as a fool and as a flirt.

The Fool…
When we would get into group settings, I would get hyper and foolish.  It was not uncommon for me to start showing off with my Tae Kwon Do or doing impersonations of different funny characters.  All the people would laugh so hard they would nearly cry.  It made me feel really good because I love to see people laughing and having a good time.  My husband on the other hand would feel horrified.  He would bury his head into his hands and just wish for it to be over.

For many years I continued in this foolish conduct because I felt he was overreacting and that he should not care about what others think so much.   Because he was the head of our home, he felt my conduct was influencing foolish behavior in our children and it was making others have less respect for me.  He would say, “Do you want our kids to be fools?  When you act like a fool, you give people the impression that you do not take anything seriously.”  It took me years to see the fruits of my poor conduct and even more years to understand the shame I had brought on my husband.  I was acting in a manner that gave him need of spoil.  Being one in marriage means more than an agreement on a slip of paper.  It means you are one in your success, one in your joy, one in your failings and also one in your shame.  Unknowingly, I caused my husband to not trust me.

The Flirt…
A married woman can be flirtatious with other men and can cause her husband to spoil.  He will always wonder if he is the apple of her eye or if she is longing for another.  A woman can destroy her husband’s trust by how she acts in front of other men.  If she dresses in a way that shows off her goods, she is sharing something that is for her husband’s eyes alone.  Many women fail to realize that a husband, although he may love to see his wife looking seductive, would rather not share her seductive look with others.   Here is a photo of me (embarrassing) during my time of trying to seek the world’s attention…

If you can believe it, I used to be a bit of a flirt around other men by the way I dressed combined with my actions.  I liked to be noticed and the enjoyed positive attention that I received.   I would curl my hair, paint my nails, wear gobs of makeup, and even use fake eye lashes.  I wore tight pants and high-heeled boots, low cut tops and lots of jewelry.  This was about 6 years ago, and yes, I had all five of my children and it was while I was taking wedding photos.  To the men, I looked available and I knew they were interested because they would ask for my number. I had lots of offers. I did not realize how serious my conduct was.  Not only was I a disgrace to my husband and family, I was a stumbling block to many other men.  I had no business behaving in that manner.  My husband said, “Why are you trying to look like a teenager?  You are 32 years old with a family, why do you want other men to desire you?” I tell you, I have made a lot of foolish choices but I thank God that He is patient with me.  

Some people argue that it was my bubbly, friendly personality.  To prove my point, I did an experiment.  I wore a long black skirt, put my hair in a ponytail, and wore a black modest top.  I acted the same.  No offers.  No men chasing after me and checking me out.

Then I had my accident in the midst of this unseemly behavior.  It was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I was headed on a wrong path and the crippling pain I endured saved me from my own destruction.  As I laid there day and night in utter agony, I pondered my ways.  I could do nothing but scream in pain and pray for God to help me bear another minute.  In that time of great suffering, God was all I had to lean on and it was then that I repented from my foolish ways.  I will never forget this one cold, dark night, a night that I could not sleep.  I could see my life flash before my eyes and I could see my children helping work on the homestead.  I knew that was where I belonged.  God gave me a vision to minister alongside my family to teach the skills of the land He created.  As tears poured forth as a river, I knew I had strayed from my calling and God loved me so much that He would not allow me to go too far.   The pale glimmer of the world was no longer important with all it’s vain glory, so I became steadfast from that moment forth.  I will never desire the strange and empty attention of the world.  No more compromise.

What a blessing to be an ornament of praise and honor to the Lord and to my husband.  When I started dressing in a more discrete manner, my husband was so relieved.  It took such a burden off him knowing that I was not a stumbling block.  My husband will tell me to change my shirt if it is too snug.  I am not offended, I feel special that he does not want to share his prize with others.  There are other women that would take offense at this.

Some women are completely naïve and do not have husband’s that even trust them enough to tell them how they feel about their conduct.  I have seen a lot of flirtatious women that dress so ridiculously seductive.  They either act like they do not have a clue or they make an excuse that their husband is fine with it.  Sure.  He is fine with whatever you say if he is afraid of the ramifications he will have if he says anything against you.  Some women are master manipulators.  They manipulate their husband’s into agreeing with something that is totally against right and good.  A man is no match against a woman who will make his life miserable if he defies her better wishes.  He has to walk on eggshells to keep the peace in her presence.  If he says the shirt is too tight, she may fly off the handle or ignore him for days.  What can he do?  He cannot safely trust in her.  The moment he tries to lead or tell her how he feels, she will trample the trust he had in their relationship.Women do not realize how important it is for a man to safely trust in her.   Next week I will share about how our conversation should be handled in order to keep the trust of our husband.  Keep in mind, I am addressing women.  I realize men have many faults and can act inappropriately as well.  I speak to you from my own experiences and from the perspective of a wife who desires to be a virtuous woman.  May God bless you as you seek him each day.

Stay tuned for:  Virtuous Conversation

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19 thoughts on “Virtuous Conduct”

  1. I am so sorry for all the duplicate comments, Erin. I was having trouble with my comment going through. I would have deleted them but couldn’t. Please do. <3
    Kristy

  2. Gwenalison lee

    I can relate to your post. I’ve always had a low self esteem and self destructive behavior through various ways. My husband and I came to a crash a few years ago due to my behavior. He now teases me constantly. I’m in councelling to deal with myself appropriately My husband was hurt deeply and as I become the wife God created me to be my husband is trusting me

  3. I don’t know where to start. Thank you for sharing your past with us. You’ve made me cry with your last few posts. Last night I couldn’t even finish reading it. My husband read it for me while I cried. Quite honestly I am touched by your posts because I feel as if I could have written them. In regards to this post, I felt again as if I could have been writing it. I was a professional singer with a homosexual brother who taught me to justify my self worth based off of what society thought of me. God blessed me with a voice that won me money, attention and glory. None in His name and in all honesty I don’t even sing anymore. I grew up overweight. I was abused, raped and at one point committed adultery just so my husband would divorce me. I hated myself and felt unworthy to be my children’s mom. The only way I felt decent was if I was getting attention. Being on stage did that for me. Dressing immodest did that as well. It was as if I was in a snow ball going down a mountain at a ridiculous speed. I didn’t even care. I wanted to crash.
    My story is different from yours but so much rings the same. God had His eye on me and never gave up on me. Today I look back at the person I was with sadness and at the same time I feel such gratitude. Gratitude to my husband for loving me when I didn’t love myself or deserve his love and to Jesus for dying as a sign of just how much He loved me. I didn’t stop sinning and focusing on becoming a good wife because I felt like I had to. I did these things because I wanted to. I am grateful and want to show it both to m Savior and to my husband.
    My five girls and I watch your homesteading videos and I would have never guessed that you had a tough life. I know you said that if it were up to you you wouldn’t be online. I totally get that but I am thankful you answered God’s calling for you because you have blessed my daughters and you have blessed me.
    Again, thank you for sharing your heart.
    With love,
    Kristy

    1. Erin @ Keeper of the Homestead

      Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I, too, was a singer for a while and I know what a devastating path it was. I cried while writing these because it is dreadfully embarrassing but I know that if I can give others hope, it is worth it. God can be glorified through all of our many cracks. You can be used of God too as you continue to seek him daily. He will shine through. It has been such an encouragement to hear from you and it makes me feel that my purpose is real. God be praised for making me a vessel of hope and encouragement to other ladies. God bless you dear sister in Christ. Do keep in touch.

      1. Hey Erin,
        I was happy to hear that God used me to show you how important your ministry is to women. The funny thing is that I almost didn’t leave a comment. I’ve never shared all of that information out in the internet world. I’m glad I did so that you could know that God is using you even when you don’t know it.
        After watching your video’s I know you are one busy woman but I was praying that you might be able to find the time to pray with/for me about something I would prefer not share on here. I don’t trust many people and it’s hard for me to reach out. I’m sure you can understand why. I am really struggling right now and I could really use prayers. We don’t have a church family that I can go to either. Ever since I left the Catholic church it has often times been a lonely road. If you could email me and pray with me it would mean so much. I’m leaving you our personal email this time. I think last time I left my other one.
        <3
        Kristy

      2. Hey Erin,
        I was happy to hear that God used me to show you how important your ministry is to women. The funny thing is that I almost didn’t leave a comment. I’ve never shared all of that information out in the internet world. I’m glad I did so that you could know that God is using you even when you don’t know it.
        After watching your video’s I know you are one busy woman but I was praying that you might be able to find the time to pray with/for me about something I would prefer not share on here. I don’t trust many people and it’s hard for me to reach out. I’m sure you can understand why. I am really struggling right now and I could really use prayers. We don’t have a church family that I can go to either. Ever since I left the Catholic church it has often times been a lonely road. If you could email me and pray with me it would mean so much. I’m leaving you our personal email this time. I think last time I left my other one.
        love,
        Kristy

      3. Hey Erin,
        I was happy to hear that God used me to show you how important your ministry is to women. The funny thing is that I almost didn’t leave a comment. I’ve never shared all of that information out in the internet world. I’m glad I did so that you could know that God is using you even when you don’t know it.
        After watching your video’s I know you are one busy woman but I was praying that you might be able to find the time to pray with/for me about something I would prefer not share on here. I don’t trust many people and it’s hard for me to reach out. I’m sure you can understand why. I am really struggling right now and I could really use prayers. We don’t have a church family that I can go to either. Ever since I left the Catholic church it has often times been a lonely road. If you could email me and pray with me it would mean so much. I’m leaving you our personal email this time. I think last time I left my other one.
        love,
        Kristy

      4. Hey Erin,
        I was happy to hear that God used me to show you how important your ministry is to women. The funny thing is that I almost didn’t leave a comment. I’ve never shared all of that information out in the internet world. I’m glad I did so that you could know that God is using you even when you don’t know it.
        After watching your video’s I know you are one busy woman but I was praying that you might be able to find the time to pray with/for me about something I would prefer not share on here. I don’t trust many people and it’s hard for me to reach out. I’m sure you can understand why. I am really struggling right now and I could really use prayers. We don’t have a church family that I can go to either. Ever since I left the Catholic church it has often times been a lonely road. If you could email me and pray with me it would mean so much. I’m leaving you our personal email this time. I think last time I left my other one.
        love,
        Kristy

  4. Thank you so much for allowing God to use you and work through you! You are truly an inspiration. God bless my sister!

  5. I can’t express my thanks for your honesty. You give me encouragement. I don’t have to stay stuck. I can move on and it is a process. Thank you and my God continue to bless your ministry.!!!

  6. Thank you for this blog. I am ashamed of the many ways I have dishonored my wonderful husband. I really want to be a virtuous wife.

  7. Thank you so much for addressing this issue. I have struggled in this area for years and it is good to hear that I am not alone, and that by God’s grace I can change this in my life. Thank you for your honesty and your willingness to share 😉 God bless!

  8. It’s amazing how God directs you right to the words He needed you to read, at the right moment…… And today was that time, so thank you for sharing this!!

  9. Thank you for sharing this Erin. I have been a fool plenty of times as well. The Lord convicted me of the same things you described and the photo of yourself, is pictures I have of myself and the Lord has since convicted me and has been showing me to be consistent in my convictions and be virtuous, Im so thankful to have you to be inspired as well. Love you

  10. Lindy @ Conservative Christian Mom

    Wonderful Post! Thank you for so openly sharing your heart! I certainly can relate to those feelings, as can most women I’m sure. It took me a long time to get to the same point, and I believe you are such an encouragement to me and many others! Thanks for sharing!

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