"Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them out of their distresses."
Hot soapy dishes, breeze blowing through the window, touching my face. My husband walks up to me and invites me on a walk. I rinse the last dish and pull the old flour sack dish towel off the rack to dry my hands and I look towards the door. Walking down the lane looking at the leaves as they let the light on the sun peek through like a shimmer. Listening to the birds sing. Holding the hand of the man I call husband. What is this like for a person who was once confined to a chair? It is like dream come true and an awakening from a long nightmare. But I was a trooper, I oftentimes would say to others that I was better than I deserve.
The simple things of life seem BIG and it is like life is there for the taking when you can. When you are able. The days are long gone when I had to hide my pain and run to my room where I could bury my face in my pillow and pray for a miracle—secretly. Between my God and my yearning heart that begged for the day I would be without pain. Learning to be content with the level of pain I was in was a daily struggle.
Now life is full of LIFE, it is wide open and the door of comfort and peace has been given to me by the Grace of God, but it was something I would not change. The reason I would not change my suffering for anything is because I learned how to really cling to Christ, how to hang on to his every word, written on the pages of scripture. I learned the verse "for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Phil 4:11
I remember long cold nights where My husband would hold me in his arms and cry out to GOD, beg him for my healing.
Some of you know me from my Homesteading DVDs, others from this blog, and some have read my book Living Virtuously! But some of you may have not realized that during most of these endeavors I was in and out of great suffering that nearly took my life on several occasions, not to mention my own secret battle with feeling like I was worthless and begging God to take me home. It puts life into perspective for me, as I seen this just the other day for the first time, I sat there in tears, thinking, wow, I have a good family, a GREAT GOD who is so merciful, and since I am not in that pain anymore, I am so full of energy. Listen don't let life get you down, it can always be worse, we need to count our blessings each day! One by one!
I was scrolling through my photos from years ago, looking at the kids and tearing up just seeing how little they were. And then I saw this video that Mark took after my dreadful accident. I was like this for nearly 9 months of my life, until I learned to get used to the intense pain. RSD is a nightmare disease caused by trauma. And my trauma was a simple bladder lift surgery. Strange how life can change in a split second. I knew then and I still know this day that it could have been a lot worse. There are so many that suffer worse, and I knew that I had so much to be thankful for then and that is why I never gave up. I stayed alive for my family.
I just can't imagine how my kids and my dear husband handled this. Watching me writhe in pain like that. I went in for a routine bladder lift and came out like that! Wow. The kids still remember mom screaming all day and night. I had no quality of life. I learned to smile and hide my pain, you get good at pretending! I did not want to ruin my kids childhood with a mom that was crying all the time in pain.
16 months in REMISSION!!!! I keep counting the days of HEALTH! God is good! I am so thankful that I no longer suffer like this. I give him all the glory. I am so happy for this past year of good health! Thank you GOD! And thank you, my sweet family that put up with me when I was broken. I know each of them would have fixed me if they could. Especially my husband. It was the worst for him. Imagine, he had 5 little ones to care for, to homeschool, all the cooking, cleaning, and had to listen to his precious bride crying in pain when he could do nothing to make it better. I know it nearly killed him. The kids just looked on and did there best to pitch in. My mom would come to clean and help with the kids, and she took care of me a lot! They are the real heroes!
To my God of MERCY, thank you for letting me have time to enjoy my family and be ABLE to more things than I ever thought I would ever get to!
It was an eye opening thing for me to see where I came from, it really puts into perspective how fragile life is, and how we ought to spend our days in gratitude for all we have! God is good! Just to think I used to say, "Oh God, if the first day I walk without pain is on streets of pure gold, then that will be something I will wait for." He saw fit that I could walk without pain in this life, which to me is a gift I could never take for granted. To God be all the glory.