Behold: The Me Monster


Faith Filled Fridays…

I have been working through the verses in chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians in an effort to share the virtues of Charity.  If you would like to get up to speed, I have a couple other blog posts:
Part One: Virtues of Charity
Part Two: Virtues of Charity

When I reached behaving unseemly, I started on a rabbit trail (one of my many weaknesses!) with stories and encouragement with Etiquette:
Charity in Dress Etiquette
Telephone Etiquette
Get this Hoarder in Order: Good Housekeeping Etiquette
Visiting Etiquette

I plan to continue the study on etiquette on my Tips on Tuesdays where I share tips and encouragement for the Keepers at Home and for the young ladies who someday will be keepers at home.

For today I will continue with the study I started on Charity.

Charity…”Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own,” I Corinthians 13:5

How do these verses apply to women?  We already know to behave unseemly is to behave inappropriately.

Seeketh not her own…

This is simple, DO not be selfish!  When we seek our own, we worry about how everything affects us. 

Behold the ME MONSTER…
Let me tell you my “ME MONSTER” story…
Long ago and far away, there was a pitiful young mother.  I say long ago and far away because it is so foreign to me now to behave thus.  I was that pitiful young mother.  I was depressed all the time-ALL THE TIME.  I looked back on my life, at that time, and all I could see was what others did to hurt me.  Why MEEEEEEE?  All the rejection, all the shame-all the pain I endured.

Death was something I coveted, for I thought I was worthless.  I thought the world would be happier without me in it.  Struggling with the scars of abuse on a daily basis was hard for me and my little growing family.  Some of you may have read my article in No Greater Joy: When You Need a Miracle.  There are people that like to think that my husband was so uncaring or unkind in my deepest hour of need.  Here is a flip side that I did not have the time or space to talk about in the article…

My husband tried to hold me-to heal me.  He cried for my pain.  When I was pregnant with Michael, my fourth baby, I was bed ridden from a fall I had a year before that broke my pelvis.  The pain was great.  It was when I was trying to become like the Amish.  I had my mind made up.  I had my bonnet on, my black socks on, and did not care a thing about my husband’s wisdom.  I knew better than he.  I was more spiritual.  He would beg and plead with me to get a hold of my senses.  And when he saw that I was completely mentally deranged, he put his foot down and told me NO!  He felt that joining the Amish would be giving up the faith he had in Christ and he could not do that.

This is embarrassing…I became so angry that I was willing to kill myself.  One cold evening, when I could hardly walk, I went outside to die!!!  I jumped into a snowbank and offered my body to the subzero temperatures.  My husband came searching for his wife, calling desperately for me.  And when he found me there, he sat there nearly crying, begging me to live.  I cry just thinking about this moment.  I screamed “NOOOO, leave me, let me die!!!!”  And he picked me up in his strong arms and carried me kicking and screaming back into the warmth of our home.  He held me in his arms and said how much he loves me, how he would die to protect me, how he would lay there all night outside if he had to in order to keep me from freezing to death.  That my purpose in this life was not over.  He was able to see me as something I was not: a pure and precious gem.

Later, I met this man, a guy who was working with Mark on a job.  Something drew me to him.  He looked at me and told me, even as I smiled, that there was a sadness in my eyes. It was like a gift.  I opened up to this person I did not even know and he told me how sinful I was.  ME, sinful?  I was sinned against as an innocent child.  I was rejected by nasty people.  I was hurt and in pain.  How could I be to blame in this?  I was so mad at first. 

He told me that I was so focussed on “ME” that I actually put “MYSELF over everything and on the throne.   

He said this because I was telling him, “I am home all day taking care of these kids, and my husband comes home and is too tired to help-what about me?  I am tired!  I want to raise my kids Amish, my husband won’t allow me to do this, what about my dreams?  What about how I feel, they are my kids!  I have been through so much.  I, I, I, and what about ME? ME, me, I, me, ME, ME, ME!!!!!!”  (hint: ME MONSTER) That was my sin.  Depression is selfish.  When you are depressed, you are only thinking about yourself-about poor and unfortunate- you.  I was seeking my own. He forced me to look at my heart.  I hated him for it, but I realized later, as I really thought about it, that as a Christian, I am not here for ME.  I am here for a purpose.

Christ did not come to die so that I could worry about ME.
Once I got my focus off myself, and onto what my purpose was, and onto Christ, it really made me get better.  I had to start realizing that things could be worse.  I had to start seeing things differently.  I was really bad, you have no idea what grief I put my poor husband through.  He never once made me feel bad about how I treated him.  He took all my hatred and turned to me with Charity.  I love him for that.

His mother hated me when we first fell in love.  She was so wise.  She could see that I was a mess, a broken vessel.  She could see the baggage and the shame.  And yet, most of us Christian mothers would do the same- we would want better for our sons, too.  What one of us would wish a wretched, broken, used up girl to cling on to our sons?  I hope I can see past the shame if it is staring me in the face and choose to take a broken vessel under my wing and love her like Christ loves her and died for her.  I want to be patient to endure the hard times and understand God’s perfect will and timing in their lives.

God called my husband to complete me.  He called him to save me from my own destruction.  My husband understands Charity.  He never seeks after his own.  No matter how badly I treated him, threatened to leave him, cussed and fumed at him, and no matter how many mind games I played against him, he just loved me.  He loved me.  He loved me.  When I did not deserve love, he loved me.  When I was selfish and prideful, he loved me.  And when I ask him, even today, “How did I ever deserve you?”

He looks back every time, and he says, “How did I ever deserve you?”


Our relationship grew into something wonderful when I stopped looking at my glass half empty all the time.  Now my joy is overflowing and it is because I compare myself to Christ, instead of trying to measure myself against my lot.  My lot is not always favorable.  Several years after my frigid crazy moment, I had a bad accident that crippled me with a four year uphill battle to get on my feet again.

You guessed it…
My husband took care of me, he homeschooled the 5 little children, he cooked, he cleaned, he changed my bed pans, and carried me in his arms when I could not walk at all.  It was very hard to fight against the “ME MONSTER” laying in a hospital bed, not being able to minister to my family the way I desired.  I would often say to my husband, “I was created to be your HELPMEET, not you being created to be my Helpmeet.”  This man of few words would say in response, “I was created to do what ever needs doing, and right now I am going to take care of you.”  He encouraged me to LIVE.  He encouraged me to rise above my circumstances and choose LIFE.  Choose JOY.  He always wants me to be all I was created to be.  While I shine and prosper, he hides in the background.  He is a humble, quiet man. He never looks for glory or honor in any form.  He humbly serves his family and his Lord.

100% of marriages end because of selfishness on the part of one or both sides.  Wars start over selfishness.  Abusers abuse because of selfishness.  They do not care about how their actions affect others.  When people are unkind, prideful, hateful, depressed, greedy, unthankful, or lazy it is due to selfishness and seeking their own.  It is the opposite of charity.

Today, I get emails and phone calls from women who are utterly depressed.  I finally figured out why.  They are singing the same tune I sang those 10 years ago–“What about MEEEEEEE?”  The chorus repeats after each sad refrain.  The sentences always start the same…

“I do this and I do that, but HE does nothing, or they never do this or that.”  
I love the first part.  The part where she does… The things we do for our family-the selfless laying down to serve each day.

The second part of the sentence brings us down a sad path.  BUT, meaning-I have no reward, or BUT, meaning-No one looks out for me. 

It is a classic ME MONSTER situation.  Some of you will shake your fist at me as if I do not GET IT.  I do not understand how bad it is for you.   I do.  Believe me, I was through the wringer, had tons of pity parties and I was thee author of selfish thoughts!  Like I will condemn the victim.  I was a victim-I could remain a victim or I could get up and start LIVING.  We all have a sad story.  BUT-Each of us has a choice.  What are we going to do about it?

What can you do to change the circumstances?  What are you going to do about HIM or THEY, or THIS or THAT? How is any of your depression or sadness going to change what happened?

When the answer is NOTHING or NO, then we need to accept it, learn from it, and do as Christ would do.  Find a scripture that condones your negative thoughts, if there even is one.  You probably will not find one to support SELFISHness,
but you will find countless verses to support SELFLESSness.

Therefore, we can learn Charity, the law of unlimited love and kindness, when we learn to NOT SEEK OUR OWN.

Here is a way to practice bringing your thoughts into the captivity of Christ.  When you get a bad, negative, and selfish thought, write it down on one side of a journal.  On the other side you take the time to find scripture to prove your thoughts Godly, or if you can’t prove that thought is right, you simply write down a verse that shows you a better way to think or behave.  It is good practice to examine our motives and our words on a daily basis.  Here is an example…


50 thoughts on “Behold: The Me Monster

  1. Erin, that was one of the best, most truthful messages on depression. I “suffered” with it for years before the Lord revealed to me the sinfulness of it. Before, I had prayed to be “delivered” from it and He mercifully did, only for me to grab it back up again. Depression is a way that Satan has used very successfully to get Christian people like myself to focus on themselves instead of on God. He told me it is an “illness” and a “disease” that can only be treated with drugs. But Christ showed me the truth of it as he showed you. He also showed me I had the power myself to get me out of that hole. I had to shift my whole way of thinking about the problem as you did. Praise God I’m free today! Of course there are still times it tries to sneak up on me, but now that I know the truth of it, I resolve NOT to be caught back up in the trap! Thanks for being so truthful and honest!

    • Thank you so much for commenting, Beth, it means so much to me knowing we are kindred in our pain and in our choosing joy. Praise Be to the Lord for that!

  2. Thank you so much for being open and sharing this. I think I was meant to read it today as I have been in a funk lately. The unending below zero temperatures here in NE WI can be draining and isolating and just plain boring. I can relate to some of your experienced. In my short life I have been on several prescription drugs but have been giving it all to Christ for three years now and nothing is more freeing. Thank you again. It’s been a blessing to read this today and all of your posts. God bless you and your family.

    • Praise the Lord that my story has been something that could help pull you out of that funk. I am so thankful that you found my blog and took the time to share your heart. God bless you:)

  3. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It is nothing new to me, but sometimes we forget and slip into a negative thought pattern of blaming others or circumstances for our joylessness. I’m glad to be reminded, and once again truly believe that a grateful person is joyful and the key is: being thankful !

    • AMEN to that:) I always think that way now. Being thankful in all things is definitely the KEY.

  4. Awesome insight Erin!! That is the exact lesson the Lord taught me. Depression IS selfishness. At first I thought Proverbs 12:25 “Anxiety in the heart of a man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” But that isn’t the depression that we talk about these days. These days depression is a pity-party. It isn’t sadness for no reason- its sadness because of the “me-monster”. Thank you for reaching out to so many women. May God richly bless the women reading these words and let the scriptures that you provided (which have been revealed to ALL us self-seeking women) bring cleansing to the reader. I pray that you and your husband remain strong in the Lord and may your feet not falter. I am praying for you often. Maybe we will meet someday, if not I’ll see you in heaven. Bye!

    • I was so blessed to read your comment today:) It is such an encouragement to me to keep on keeping on. I hope we do meet someday, this side of heaven. You truly seem to be a kindred spirit:)

  5. Ooh, better clarify something- I am not saying that proverbs 12:25 is invalid. It is absolutely the word of God, but if someone is depressed like “poor me-depressed”, a joke isn’t going to cure them. They need Galatians 6:9 and all of Matthew 5 and 6! They need some heart-washing!

    • Oh for sure! That is a good verse to ponder. I think all scripture is so edifying. You are so right! We sure do need all of Galatians 6 and Matthew 5-6. I love those passages, they are among my go to in the Word of God when ever I need a good heart washing!

  6. Thanks for being so vulnerable to share this, Erin. What a humbling post that is right there where all of us live but don’t like to admit it. May God pour out His grace on you as you humble yourself. Praise Jesus that He is worth every thought that turned on our own selves would sour and rot. Turned on Him, our thoughts produce life abundant! Love you!

    • I am but a broken vessel. I have nothing of myself to give except what the Lord has given to me. Letting his light shine out through my many cracks and holes has been such a privilege to me. Love you!

  7. Thank you. I started with depression and pity-parties at the age of 5 and it continued until I was 21 when the Lord opened my eyes to the Truth. You wrote about it beautifully and I appreciate it. I needed the reminder tonight of where I used to be compared to where I am with God and to cling tight to the Lord!

    • Wow, you were just like me! I started too early in my life with all of that pity party nonsense and it is truly a blessing to know we do not have to stay there. We can rise above as we cling to the Lord. Your comment has been such a blessing for me to know that God’s word never goes out void. May it always minister to all who have ears to hear. Including ME. 🙂

  8. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. From the heart of a homesteading mother…that knows your pain ♥ It’s a horrid climb out of that valley…and a worse fall when we trip and slide into it again. High fives for letting us know that we are not alone.

  9. While I agree depression can be about the Me Monster (and often it is that way with me), it is not always about that. Some people cannot understand why they have depression. It can be for health reasons, a chemical imbalance in the brain, etc. That can spiral into the Me Monster but it isn’t always started by the Me Monster. I think it can be dangerous to generalize it as such and can set someone back further in their recovery if they think the central problem is their own thinking when perhaps it is really an imbalance in their body.
    Mine is a combination of both. I’m not sure which came first, because my abuse began when I was three years old and continued until I was 12. After that, I lived with the effects and the emotional abuse of never being skinny or pretty enough. When you are abused that young, your brain develops abnormally. You must reprogram it and learn coping skills that take time. Sometimes, if you want to be truly healthy in a way that you can really put others first with your whole heart, you must focus on yourself some, though making sure that you lean on and rely on Christ. After all, God made us as individuals with our own spiritual gifts. He did not make every person from the same mold to be the same, to have the same depression, illness, etc.
    How many people tell a diabetic or a paralegic that it is all in their head and it’s all because they are just being selfish? Depression should be recognized for the illness that it is.

      • Parapalegic and Diabetes are not affected one bit by the thoughts. Bad thoughts can’t cause them, good thoughts can’t cure them. However, someone with a truly 100% physical problem can certainly end up feeling sorry for themselves and get selfish and depressed. I’ve seen some people a total physical disaster, yet happy and friendly and giving, and the opposite too. I also believe that a medical problem can make it easier to get depressed and selfish, but experiencing so many negative thoughts as to end up suicidal or at least super lonely and selfish is all in the head, our thought patterns learned from childhood and chosen as adults. My counselor (a pastor’s wife) told me 2 days ago that I don’t have to let myself get super down about my past sins that caused damage to our children’s thought patterns & morals, but I can accept God’s forgiveness and forgive myself and obey God from now on and not let others’ reminders of my past sins get me down. It is all in the head, though I admit when I feel sad about my sins & also experience physical pain, I AM more tempted to get depressed, but I’ve been told to remind myself of the truths in God’s word about what I should be thinking instead of blaming others or being harsh with myself, thus continuing the negative pattern of thinking instead of smiling. Praying the Psalms where David was in despair over his sins and ended up happy and praising God was an idea I had that was confirmed as an excellent idea by another friend, also a pastor’s wife. Children & adults alike can be trained to choose positive thoughts to counter self/others hating thoughts. I have even had experiences where maybe my chemical imbalance from poor nutrition/exercise got me super tired/down and I started feeling horrid about myself, then said NO! I will not give in to this, and cheered up. It’s much harder if the physical isn’t right, but doable with proper training of the mind, which usually requires a strong belief in God’s Word if you have no close Christian family/friends, or at least one good encouraging friend who continues to point you to Jesus and what He thinks of you. I’ve heard our oldest daughter say she has no control over her thoughts – a very false belief system. Everyone can learn to control their thoughts (not the initial thought from fleshly need/want, external inputs, or temptation), but the next moments, to dwell on that initial thought or not. We all can choose to ignore advice and truth though, unfortunately, thus the pray without ceasing command in the New Testament. When I don’t pray much, I get down again. Just mechanically reading the Bible starts me into prayer mode. Even our kids have brought me a Bible to cheer me up when I’d get sad or angry. I regret the times when I didn’t take their advice. I really like Erin’s thought journal idea, so we don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time we allow destructive thoughts to get a hold on us again. I can even ask a friend to find a verse to counter a negative thought if I can’t think of one yet. I have many negative thought habits to retrain. I can use my thought journal to help our children retrain their thoughts that we helped cause as negative. Of course, if a child rejects Jesus, this task will be much harder, if not impossible. They will have to trust God’s opinion of them rather than human opinion, their own or others. I found that depending on human opinion of me left me utterly depressed and suicidal, bitter and unforgiving. But I can choose to think about the best in people rather than the complaining and mistrust I learned growing up. My poor mother when I copied her complaining about her mother and giving up on her just as she did her abusive mother, just as grandma (I never met in person) did her abusive mother. Guess who ended up complaining about me? What goes around comes around. I’m going to end this cycle of depressive thought patterns with our children’s generation. There were no happy Jesus following women in my family that I’ve heard of. I pray I become the first of many. Thank you Erin for showing the way, and for being so fun in the homesteading videos, especially making Erin’s Green Drink Mix – hilarious!

    • You are right to address the mental illness issues, although, many times it can be an excuse. I was diagnosed with some severe mental disorders and I was put on all kinds of meds for it. It was deeper than chemical for me, very spiritual. Most health professionals do not address the spiritual, therefore, they can only numb the senses with drugs.
      My daughter is a diabetic, I give her medication. It can be physiological, but I am convinced (which is my own person opinion based on my personal experience-not based on any sort of professional or medical knowledge), that most times it is a situation about self absorption. Only because I went through all the medical protocols. None of the drugs worked on me because they just numbed me to where I did not care any longer. I am not a fan of drugs at all that mess with the mind. It is not that it is all in your head and yes, you do need to take the time to figure things out by pointing the attention on to yourself. This is a tough one, because I can not judge every unique person as if they were me. Each person has to pray and get good council as to what they need or what path they should go down.

  10. We adore your homesteading videos! I have never liked myself my whole life due to bad upbringing and bad behavior. There is another aspect of depression besides selfishness that I ask for help with now. Our anger at each other and the kids has caused a lot of damage to them, to the point of needing medical/mandatory counseling help for them and us. I get so down at myself for hurting the kids with meanness and neglect, seeing the sad results, how can I not be depressed about my sins? How can I be the joyful mama they need and wife my husband needs, when I am continually reminded of my sins because of the children’s problems? They’ve seen me happier than ever much of the time, but there are those thoughtful moments when I crash for hours/days when I again am faced with the awful reality of what I’ve done that isn’t made better yet. Not to mention lost memories, ruined childhood for them. I am quickly making new memories and staying calm and encouraging most of the time, but then I crash again when the kids criticize my past or present mothering, or they are depressed and down on themselves again or angry like we showed them how. I need to stay happy and strong despite my regrets and the results. It could take years to solve the serious mental problems of our oldest girl 17. She now lets me hang out with her and even hugged me one evening! But how can I never let them see me down again? I thought of pretending to go to the bathroom and praying the Psalms where David was again depressed over his sins, but feeling cheered up by the end. How can I hate my sin without hating myself and being in despair over the results? The father (or mother) of a fool hath no joy. But I need to be joyful or things get worse. Help

    • Do not beat yourself down. You show in your writing that you do care so much and God sees that. It takes time for some of us who are weaker in the way of emotions (myself included:) but we can make some new habits and never think it is too late to make new, fun memories. Take joy this night because you are precious! I know Christ is hearing your heart and knows that you want to be healed in your mind and emotions. It will come if you keep seeking him. There was a time I thought it would never happen for me to find joy and peace but I have. God will lead you and he will help you as you let him. I will be praying for you, Amy!
      ~Love in Christ,

      • Thank you for your gracious reply. If only I would pray without ceasing and be slow to speak like your husband, careful with every single word.
        Michael Pearl says that parents need to be the masters of joy. How can this be in light of these Scriptures: Proverbs 17:21 He that begetteth a fool doeth it to his sorrow: and the father of a fool hath no joy. Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

      • Just in time when I felt I had to give up on homeschooling to get our home in order and the kids educated better, the Lord put an article and website in front of me…URtheMOM . com It will free my time and encourage the kids to excel in their character and school work. I was praying for a way to be a good news wife to my husband. I’m so hopeful for our new homeschool year and the rest. The Lord always provides, and never too late. Maybe now we’ll have time to do all the homesteading projects on your DVDs we’ve always wanted to get into.

  11. As much as I dislike it, I am this that you have dezcribed. I thought I was the only one that thought like this. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us. I have wanted to be changed and know that He has changed me but it has been not fun when you find out how selfish you are and how I know I take parts of my old back only to my destruction mentally and spiritually. Thank you again

    • I am so blessed to know that this article helped in some way. I know it is hard to look at our behavior and realize how we have been. I have been doing that while writing this blog here and have realized so many things that I have done that are not so good, but it is exciting to look back to see how far I have come. I know that I will continue to make mistakes, but also that I will continue to grow. Just think about 2 years from now, all that we will learn and how much the Lord will teach us as we seek Him in every area of life. Just realizing things is the first step to overcoming! Glad you took the time to comment, it means so much to me to know I have been a blessing and encouragement. Makes all my many faults seem less in vain.

  12. Erin,
    Love this article. I love the clear way you write. We all fall into the “ME” trap to different degrees. Thanks for sharing your heart is such a sweet and humble way. The Lord is using you and your family to encourage others in so many ways. Blessings!

  13. Thank you Erin for sharing your heart and past pain so openly. I had first read a small excerpt of your blog on another web site calls Always Learning. I had never heard of you, or your husband prior to reading about you both on the other site. I am so glad that I found your web site. I am learning so many things from

  14. Hi Erin,
    I am not sure what happened, but my I pad just locked up, and would not let me type any more. I am learning many things from your site, and I am greatful that I have found keeper of the homestead. Last summer I mentally broke down. Like you, part of my mental break down was spiritual related. I wanted to make a huge change in my heart/ life and decided to commit myself to the beliefs of the Fundemental Independant Baptist, it was a church my family and I once attended a couple of years ago, but my husband did not believe with all of its teachings and so we left the church. I have a personality that is very black and white.

  15. I am so sorry, my I pad locked up again. I am now on my computer and hopefully i will not run into any more technological issues.
    I have a personality very much that is black and white, their is no room for in between for me. I needed the Biblical structure that the Fundamental Baptist provided for me. When my husband told me that he does not want to raise our children that way, i was beyond devastated. I didn’t know how i was ever going to get right with God in my life. I became very depressed but wasn’t even aware of my depression. I continued reading my Bible and raising my children. I became manic depressed. Everything i tried to do, like make supper, i did very slowly. It was all very strange. I ended up taking three bottles of pills, thinking they were just sugar cubes. After being admitted to the hospital for over a week, i was prescribed mind numbing medicine. I am no longer taking the medicine by my choice. My questions that i wanted to ask you, is this: Are you still taking all of your medicines? When did the healing begin for you? Did you just decide “I am going to surrender to the will of God and my husband?” How did your husband manage during the time of your breakdown? I imagine your husband did what my husband did, and that is, he spent a lot of time on his knees. When i came home from the hospital my husband implemented structure in my life, and he made sure i did everything that was recommended by the Dr. My husband isolated me from friends, and restricted me from going to the gym, having access to the internet and phone. I spent much of my time relearning everything again. We are both so blessed to have loving husbands that wont give up on us. Have you relapsed at all? Meaning do you feel Satans tug? and if so have you ever stumbled? How do you keep your self on the straight and narrow path? You have over come so many things, by the grace of God and a loving husband! My area of struggle is that i feel satans tug of temptation to make the ungodly choice, to disrespect my husband. For me, it is a min by min struggle. Will it ever get easier? Meaning will i always have to work and try so hard to keep on the “good path” or will it eventually become easier where i can just put it on auto pilot? Thank you again for sharing your testimony, you are a blessing! Fondly, Yvette

    • I am so sorry you have been having such a hard time with things and that I have not responded until now. I have been praying about what to write to you. I do not have your email, so I can not write you privately.
      To answer some of your questions… I have been off medication for years and I believe it was the Lord’s healing. I committed to trusting in the finished work of the cross and believed that I have access to his power as a believer. Just like the Hebrews did in the wilderness when they just looked upon the snake on the staff. It does not make sense to our minds, but it is faith and faith, is accounted as something very special in God’s eyes.
      I know you will get there just because you have been made aware of your need. That is always the first step to healing. God lays that burden of being set free in our hearts and little by little we will find truth that we can set our mind to following it. God is faithful, do not underestimate the power of God.

      • Hi Erin,
        Thank you for your very sweet response. My e mail address is
        I enjoy reading your devotions and house keeping tips. I so much want to live a pure and Godly life to the fullest extent. Just as you and your family do. God bless you!

  16. Ami W. Please don’t feel badly about the comment you left, I felt the same way as you, a few days after I replied. Our help comes from The Lord, yes, but if you feel the need to reach out to other godly woman I believe it is healthy to do so. I understand your convictions, and respect your heart in wanting to do what’s pleasing to God.
    Ms. Erin, I apologize but I typed out the incorrect e mail address. I apologize. The correct e mail address where you can reply to me personally is
    Thank you for all your posts, recipes, Godly wisdom and cheerful heart. You are so “real” and that is what I appreciate the most about you!

  17. I just came across this article this morning and it is exactly what I have been struggling with! Thank you for sharing your experience. Thank you for sharing your faith. I have been having pity parties for quite some time (probably since childhood). When I got married, my husband never let me have a pity party. He would stop me any time I would start feeling sorry for myself. It worked for a while but for the past year or so I have been so depressed all the time because of the Me Monster. I need to pray for more faith. I know that God is merciful and loving but I don’t remember it on a daily/hourly basis. I need Him there always. How does one give up their whole self to God?

  18. I agree but have something to add to the getting out of the pit stage when just being grateful will not work. I know this is an older post, but I needed it today and others may be reading it after the fact as well. Yes, I need to get my eyes off myself. Sometimes I am depressed because I feel stuck. In these cases I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and make a list of what I can change not just what I’m grateful for. What am I in control of.
    Example: My husband said he was happy for me to make work areas to turn our suburb place into a home with more to do. Then he did not want me to change the budget to fund it or move anything or make the house look different than the 3/2 it was built to be. This was the second attempt at productivity agreed to by him in theory but shot down in practice. I was stuck and depressed wondering why God gave me this guy.
    I was stuck until I came up with movable stations that kids log in and out of for activities we call our school day. I had to stop being mad at my husband for being unreasonable. If he is that’s his business. I promise I wont change him by telling him all about it although I try often. No its does not seem fair that he gets to be that way. That’s God’s job. When I considered what I could do the depression went away.
    Often I feel depressed when I have no vision. This is not my personality. I never felt that before my kids hit preteens and finding useful pursuits and active wholesome friends became very hard. The kids don’t want to get up and I can’t give them a good reason why they should. At these times I have to ask for direction and keep going. I get directions from God see a set back and think I must have heard wrong. No, keep going. This is just another version of feeling stuck and I can’t stay there.
    If my God is for me who can be against me.!

  19. Thanks for your honesty!!! We all have the ‘why me’ moments and it takes lots of courage of get out of that hole. Knowing it’s selfish and choosing to focus more on Christ helps a whole lot.

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